When they say love, makes me do crazy things, uliza kiatu.
That is a famous line from H_art the Band’s famous song, Uliza Kiatu. Today, early in the morning, I couldn’t ask my shoes why I was doing a crazy thing as they were brand new.
So was my black tuxedo prepared specifically for this Valentine’s Day. Nairobi was painted red.
It hugged my frame with precision, the sharp visible lining, the end product of my Jevanjee-based Omufundi’s pressing, produced a whispering sound every time it cut through the air, as I walked in a rhythm - my right leg first, then my left one.
But Daudi the tailor had forgotten that my weight had increased by 2 kgs.
There was no room for my wallet as it would have popped out of my back pocket like a swelling that appears on your forehead when you knock yourself against a wall.
So I had my debit card well tucked in, smooth and ready to be swiped to release some cash after I enjoyed the company of my beautiful Tabitha at this popular joint along Koinange Street.
“Eish kijana umeng’ara. Lakini hauna maua,” a hawk-eyed and wise florist pinpointed one glaring flaw.
This one knew how to pinch my money.
I walked inside the restaurant with fresh rose flowers I had just purchased at Ksh2,500.
As I scanned the room, trying to find my lady Tabitha, I looked straight into the eyes of my boss who was clearing his bill at the customer care section.
The Ferrero Rocher brand of chocolate that was in my hands almost melted at the sheer heat that emanated from my rough squeeze.
I could almost feel them begging for refrigeration to maintain their shape.
Awkwardness, say awkwardness! I saw my life flash out of my eyes at 11 am.
I didn’t want to lie. But rather than defend myself, all I said was ‘Good morning Sir. You look great!’
“Good morning Joe,” he said as he signaled at his driver to ignite his Landrover TX.
We looked at each other for a few seconds before he added, “On a date?”
Adrenaline and heartbeats. Every throb was a tale untold, a fear of the unknown.
I immediately recalled how HR had attempted to reach out to me and I had ignored it. I had planned to call in sick or blame traffic - have my date for an hour and step back into the office around 1 pm.
But Tabitha was only available for lunch.
I had met her a month ago and my guy, I was determined to impress and win her over.
“You are just swimming in the Valentine fever,” I remember my brother laughing at me and warning me not to act stupid.
But love is being stupid together - oh wait. This was a line from a film.
Tabitha was seated across the table, glowing. If only she knew the risks I took to savour her company.
The secret of a happy date with her had to remain a secret.
“Okay,” my boss stated after he saw me staring at my woman across the room. He then walked away.
Tabitha is a beauty, a sweet-hearted sunshine. She knew her fashion and her elegance and her company was a vibe.
One hour later, my phone chimed. It was the work WhatsApp group. A short video.
A TV journalist, to make matters worse, filmed me buying flowers while he was interviewing some lovebirds at the florist.
“Hata wanaume wananunua maua leo. Kama uyo wa suti ya black…
The chat was heated.
“Joe couldn’t even wait for 5 pm to wrap his work and head out for Valentine's Day,” Dennis, a colleague, had written, with a laughing emoji.
Sophie responded with a short video of an AP officer saying Kimeumana.
HR later on called and asked me to report to work as the boss would like to have a conversation with me.
I walked into his office and like everyone, I expected to be subjected to a disciplinary case.
He looked at me sympathetically and said, “What young people do for love! Even at the risk of losing a job!” and assigned me more tasks to be covered on my off day.
I recalled how my mother would always swipe the biggest mistakes under the rag and leave us speculating about the punishment that would follow.
She’d cane us for a small error and play psychologically with the grave ones.
Two days later, Tabitha responds, “Thank you for the outing and the interest, but as of now, I’d like to pursue my career and different interests. Thanks for being a friend.”
Phweks! That was close.
Editor’s Note:
This is a creative campaign to celebrate all those in love, those still searching and those yearning. Everyone has a unique view of what love is.
For me, I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at my Arsenal jersey.
Happy Valentine's Day fam! Don’t risk it all!
