Nairobi Woman Shares How Marriage Changed After Relatives’ Visit 

  • A lady consoles her sad friend. Modelled by Barbra Wambui (left) and Sophie Modaliko (right).
    A lady consoles her sad friend. Modelled by Barbra Wambui (left) and Sophie Modaliko (right).
    Kenyans.co.ke
    SAMUEL OTIENO
  • Marriage is a scam…. No! Marriage is pure joy, everlasting bliss.

    My two best friends, Agatha and Jemimah differed, a day before my nuptials. 

    “April my daughter, a successful marriage requires you to fall in love as many times as you can, always with the same person. Always find those little elements that remind you of how deeply you love Jade,” my mother told me as she wiped a tear in my eye, right before I walked down the aisle. 

    She hugged me, pulled me closer and we cried together. I was so excited. Finally, the day I had dreamt of. The wedding I had so desired. 

    Out of my three sisters, I was the only one who did the dream wedding. Amilia got pregnant and eloped with her boyfriend. Susan had been with two husbands already and was with her third. But both were happily married. 

    I stared at the glass of water in my hand while recalling all these past memories. 

    How I wish I could be able to drain myself with a bottle of wine rather than this tap water. But I was breastfeeding. 

    Two years after the wedding, I was sad and feeling depressed. Jade spent many of the nights out with the boys watching football as I struggled to raise my twins. 

    A woman pictured while in deep thoughts. Modelled by Sophie Modaliko
    A woman pictured in deep thoughts. Modelled by Sophie Modaliko
    Kenyans.co.ke
    SAMUEL OTIENO

    Ever since I gave birth two months ago, I rarely saw him at home. 

    “The babies cry a lot, April. I don’t know how to change diapers…” one excuse after another. 

    We were well off and had tried two nannies already, but the amount of work needed to raise these two beautiful girls was -huh- just sigh with me. 

    I never had time for myself and I only had one month left before I went back to work. 

    Jade. Oh! Jade! The nights we used to come back home from parties, singing our best songs, drowning in love. 

    I missed him. I wish there was a way to turn this around. I knew he could never cheat, nor hurt me, but I wish he understood how much energy one needed to be a mother. 

    Sometimes you’d just have to put your head to sleep when one baby wakes up to cry. After lulling her to sleep, the other would wake up and breastfeed till I run dry. 

    Agatha and Jemimah visited someday and saw the pity on my face. 

    “But April, you are struggling too much. Talk to your mum or relatives. Have them send some kins over. There is always a relative out there ready to help,” Agatha advised. 

    It was rare for the two to agree on something. 

    “I recently saw a thread on Twitter stating that such was life in Europe that women struggle alone to raise kids. They have no one to turn to. Alleged that such was their culture. Kids can break a marriage, April. 

    “But here at home, you have a family. We help each other. For me and Agatha, we can visit during the weekends, but have some relatives sent over,” Jemimah added. 

    Jade agreed to my proposal and my mother who was set to visit us the next weekend tag along with my two nieces, Caroline and Zipporah. 

    "Are you even eating?” my mum, who spent the first few weeks with me after I gave birth, lamented. 

    “Mum, I don’t even have time for myself,” I stated, nearly crying. 

    Six months later, Caroline and Zipporah indeed turned out to be a blessing. They were at home for nearly a year since schools were shut down during the pandemic. 

    As schools were set to resume, my big sister, Amilia, moved in to assist too. 

    “You could have asked for our help in the first week, April,” she told me and scolded me for a while. 

    Jade and I wanted to touch the lives of Caroline and Zipporah, thank them for the enormous help, their company and sacrifice. 

    My husband, out of the free time I had, saw how much I needed a rest and apologised for deserting me. He saw how much I needed his support. 

    “Let’s pay their first term fees,” I told Jade. 

    “But we are low on cash. The wedding, the baby’s two years' birthday budget. I think it would be better not to touch the savings,” he responded. 

    We sought to discuss the issue with my big size, Amilia, and her advice came in handy. 

    A newborn baby grips a mother's hand
    A newborn baby grips a mother's hand
    Courtesy

    “Jade, you have a Co-op bank account right?”

    “Yes, I do,” Jade answered. 

    “Then get a Salary Advanced Loan from Co-op bank, and you being a member, you can file for one,” my sister advised. 

    She worked at a Co-op bank and her financial pieces of advice were always timely. 

    My sister guided Jade on how to access the Salary Advanced Loan and it was easy. Caroline and Zipporah were grateful for our appreciation. 

    But we were the ones who were so blessed by their visit. 

    I hope and wish my babies will also grow up with such warm hearts, loving souls, a blessing to those they will meet in their lifetime.